Mere Christianity and What It Means to be a Person

(Trigger Warning: suicide mention)

I am currently in the process of reading C.S. Lewis' Mere Christianity for a summer assignment. As I was reading Chapter 10 of Book 3, one quote slapped me across the face:

"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world." 

I hadn't realized that this quote was from Mere Christianity, but knew only that C.S. Lewis had once written it. I was familiar with it because it was on the program at a funeral for a student I knew who committed suicide at the age of 15.

How relevant this quote is in my life at the moment; it is a beautiful and very heartfelt reminder of this thing we call personhood.

And then, all at once, it was too much

17. It is what I will be.

Something about birthdays makes me sentimental in a way that should not be okay.

Temporal: that is what I am.
17: that is what I will be.

At the risk of sounding more pretentious, a haiku:

Des nuages qui flottent / dehors, dans la tempête, là / sont comme mes pensées

"The clouds that float / outside, in the tempest, there / are like my thoughts."

But, as a friend so dearly (and poignantly) reminded me, "The birds still sing in the rain."

Christmas Gifts

I am a person who either goes all out for Christmas gifts or just kind of forgets/procrastinates/dawdles until it's far too late and it's just embarrassing. This year, I appear to have achieved a combination of both.

Having no idea what to get for either of my parents (or my brother for that matter) I have only made presents for my friends and for my sister.

I will hopefully be uploading some pictures of these presents soon, but they're crafty and I have really loved the time spent making them.

Here's hoping I think of something to give to my parents! And my brother. I forget him sometimes.

Overthinking

I am a compulsive overthinker. Not in the like, mental health diagnosed way, but in the way wherein I just overthink basically a lot of things. A lot of the time.

I have been this way since childhood, as I remember making mistakes and being so intensely disappointed in myself. I would just sit, rocking back and forth crying, wondering how I could have been so stupid to make such a mistake.

In so many ways, I am still that crying child.

Part of being an overthinker is the part where I overthink being an overthinker. It is truly so difficult to just take something that could be even considered negative that someone says at face value, without analyzing their tone of voice, their body language, what I think they were thinking...it is, in its own way, overwhelming.

Over. Everything over. Overthink, overeat, overwhelmed.

I have a lot of happy days, and my life is by no means unhappy--of course it isn't. I am blessed beyond measure--I am living in affluence, I am living in freedom, I am living beyond what so many others will ever experience.

It can just be so silly. I can just be so silly. And it'll be alright. We'll make it, because I'm not the one in charge. But I'm grateful that I know Who is.

Reaction Images and Other Such Tomfoolery

In the words of a true blogger, "I haven't posted in such a long time!"

Ha. I tricked you. It's my blog so I get to post whenever I want to.

HOW 'BOUT THEM APPLES!

Anyhow, recently I have gotten into Korean entertainment (i.e. K Pop and K Drama).

It's all my sister's fault. You see, she first introduced me to Super Junior (one of the most well-known groups who recently celebrated their ninth anniversary [what a bunch of dinosaurs {they're all old | not that old but like all 25+ |}]) I didn't like Super Junior at first, and refused to like them for awhile because I thought they were too boy bandish. Plus there are at least 13 members. THAT IS SO MANY MEMBERS!

So, I at first resisted Super Junior but now those little losers are growing on me.

The next group I was introduced to was BTS, or the Bangtan Boys or the Bulletproof Boyscouts. Who know one band needed so many names?

At only 7 members, I found them slightly more acceptable. Plus, at the moment their ages range from 17 to 22, which are all acceptable boy band ages. The seven members (in age order, per the usual Korean manner) are: Jin (Kim Seokjin), Suga (Min Yoongi), J-Hope (Jung Hoseok), Rap Monster/Rapmon (Kim Namjoon), Jimin (Park Jimin), V (Kim Taehyung), and Jungkook (Jeon Jungkook). Note: unlike most Western names, Korean names are listed family name first and then birth name. So no, there are not three members named Kim. Kim is the family name of Seokjin, Namjoon, and Taehyung, none of whom are blood related. Kim is just a very common last name!

So, a new love for these precious little losers in tow, I started watching their music videos, listening to some of their music, and getting to know all of them better. At first I couldn't tell any of them apart except for Rapmon since he usually has white hair (although now he has brown hair, and let me tell you, I miss the silver). Anyhow, over the course of about a week I learned all of their names (both stage names and real names), learned about their personalities through the videos that they upload on their YouTube channel (of course through reuploaded versions with English subtitles because I do not speak Korean), and just got to know more about them. They're pretty lovable guys and they make pretty wonderful music. NOTE: some of their music does have swearing in it (in English) so be forewarned. I would rate their songs (at least the ones with cuss words) at a PG-13 rating.

Their first album, 2 Kool 4 Skool (yes it really is named that and no, I never thought I would sink so low as to like an album with that title) doesn't have any English sweary words and I feel quite confident recommending it! Some of their newer albums do have those darned English sweary words, but you can check the lyrics of any of their songs with a quick Google search. I'd recommend that if you're pretty conscientious about not listening to sweary words in your music (which I try to do).

And lastly on the Korean entertainment train, I've gotten really into a K Drama called 'You Are Beautiful'. It's just wonderful and I've already watched 16 episodes! The reason that I made this entire post is to show you some of my favorite reaction images which are screenshots I took from the show, and include the captions for them which I thought of as I saw them on the show.

When someone asks you to describe yourself but your self-esteem is pretty low:

When you put off an entire project until the night before it's due:

When you threaten someone who's annoying you and they laugh it off:

When someone's too stupid to understand how wrong they are:

I don't even have a situation to which this picture applies, but I thought it was funny:

Same here; this doesn't really apply to any plausible social situation, but I thought it was hilarious:

When you have to talk to your crush:

When you have to hang out with your siblings but you just aren't feeling it:

When your OTP does something totally incredible but your friend isn't feeling it:

Just, me on the daily:

Also me on the daily:

When your NOTP becomes canon:

When your NOTP becomes canon but you're still holding onto the hopes for your favorite couple to defy the odds:

Just, this applies a surprising amount to my life: 

When you settle into your cozy cave to be alone:

Every human:

What you think when you see your crush:

You tweeting to your K Pop bias:

When you see your crush:

Just hilarious, no applicable life situations come to mind:

When your OTP does something especially beautiful:

When you see your crush:

No caption here.... (*cough cough* when you see the booty):

When someone says, "So I guess you weren't very productive today," and you reply:

When someone sees you crying but you didn't want them to:

When your crush finally speaks to you:

This would never actually happen to me, but if it did I'm prepared with an appropriate reaction image:

When your favorite show is mentioned but you're trying to stay low-key:

I just thought it was hilarious that this show acknowledged K Pop fan fiction even though the show is from 2009:

When someone asks you what you're reading (I'm actually not a big fan fiction reader because there are some creepy people in this world that write creepy things but I thought this was a pretty great reaction image nonetheless): 

When someone's trying to test you: 

So, that's pretty much my experience with Korean entertainment this summer! I can finally positively identify 6 members of Super Junior but I don't even know the names of most of the rest of them so it's going to be interesting. THEY ARE HAVING A COMEBACK THOUGH! And I will be around to see it. The teaser photos were pretty promising, so I'm hoping for good things. 

Alrighty, have a lovely day! If you made it through this entire post, I salute you!

When A Portrait Goes Wrong

What else am I to do on a Monday entirely to myself? Why, return to my love of portraits, of course! I haven't done a portrait for about four months, but I used to draw them all of the time. And, since I've never gone through step-by-step to document my portrait process, I thought I would for this quick one and explain what went wrong and what I learned from it.

My subject is Min Yoon Gi, or Suga, one of the members of BTS, a Korean hip hop group. My sister introduced me to their music, and though I don't love all of their music, I really like Look Here. It has some great harmonies.

Anyhow, onto the portrait! Here is my primary reference, and here is my secondary reference, used mainly for details on his shirt.

This was my original line art. It took roughly 20 minutes to sketch this out and looking back on it now it seems incredibly creepy. 

My portraiting station, AKA my kitchen table. 

A little further along in the process. I began shading and the hair; note here the incredible struggle I had with his eyes. I redrew them several time and even in the finished portrait I don't think they look quite right. 

Portraiting station update!

A sweet smile. Eh he he. 

Further progress.

The finished product! Note my awful Hangul. 

My supplies. 

A well spent 2 hours. 

So, what exactly went wrong with this portrait? 

Well, for starters, when I drew it I wasn't looking straight down at the page, but at an angle. I think this caused some of my lines to be warped or just off enough that he doesn't look quite right. 

I also could have used better pencils than my BIC mechanical pencil and Ticonderoga wooden #2. Yes, these pencils are fine, but probably not what I needed for a portrait with such deep darks. 

The eyes still don't look quite right to me, even after several redos. I suspect that with a different picture where Suga's eyes didn't look so dark, I could have drawn them a bit better. It's also more difficult to draw eyeliner than I suspected! 

Hopefully with more practice, I can draw a portrait of Suga that actually does him justice. In the mean time, we have this. I hope if any ARMYs see this they won't be too terribly offended! 

Moleskine Highlights

Can it be--am I really one of those shameless hipster wannabes that carries around a Moleskine? Do I swear by them because of their quality paper and portability? Do I live to snap that elastic band around the front cover with an exhale of satisfaction? Am I lost without my Moleskine? Am I being paid $10,000 to make all of the preceding statements?

The answer is yes! Well, except of course, the last question. With my whopping three blog posts, I'm entirely certain that Moleskine would not ever contact me about a brand deal. But hey, if they did, I'm a sucker for a Moleskine! Unlined is the only way to go.

So, I thought since this blog is a platform wherein I can post about my artistic endeavors, I could include some of my favorite pages from my Moleskine. I keep a Moleskine as a sketchbook, where I doodle/portrait/typography my little heart out nearly every day. What can I say, it keeps me sane.

So, a few highlights from this new Moleskine; this is my third Moleskine, and I just got it on June 9 so it's fairly new. Anyhow, there were a few pages I found worth sharing so here they are!

This Moleskine has had a lot of floral designs--I'm not really sure why, but I got really into symmetric designs recently. 

A better view of the floral design, but unfortunately a view of the sad adjacent page. The other side bled through, resulting in a sadly ruined design. 

The design that bled through onto the previous page! It's a war-worn shapeshifter lady wolf, because who doesn't need one of those in their life?

Some doodles and quotes from Sunday school; I rather like how the font turned out on the quote. In case you can't see it in the bottom right corner, Beth Moore is responsible for that little nugget of wisdom. 

A dragon! And assorted berries!

Yay for adorable pancakes and berry friends!

More symmetric floral designs because we haven't had enough!

Some doodly animals in the style of the cats I usually doodle. I've been doodling cats in the same style for about two years now and I finally decided to try out the style on other creatures.